It's always raining in my head...

Why is it that days have the tendency to put me in a bad mood? Not a bad crabby mood or anything, not mad either. It might have somethin to do with the Clancy book I just finished that ended with the heartbreak of a main character. Could it also be attributed to the lack of sleep last night? Dunno. I don't feel like dealing with anything at the moment. It could have somethin to do with the rain. Even tho I enjoy it, sometimes it has a bluening ["blue-in-ing"] effect on one's spirits. I just had fun with friends, why am I like this? Granted, I had to be home early so I couldn't bowl with them, just watch. That was kindof a bummer, but just being there was definitely good. Much better than any of the alternatives. I wanna just get in my car right now, and drive for a few hundred miles. No particular destination. Just driving. I guess it'd be cool to have a friend with too I guess. Maybe after reading that book, I just wanna be alone for awhile. Reading stories like that [especially when you weren't expecting that sort of story, but a military novel] sometimes makes me want to go live someplace with no connections to anybody. Off in my own 100 acre section of Wisconsin, maybe with a dog. Maybe not even a dog. Just me, a small trailer, large pickup truck, and my Bible. Just a place to be away from all the crap society presents continuously. I know you're probably like "Dave, that sounds like such a dreary existence!", but hey, that sounds kinda good sometimes. I am no longer afraid of dying, just of making people sad in the process.

Now to clarify, I'm not mad at anybody. I'm not mad at myself. I'm not depressed. I guess one of the triggers for this mood could be the fact that the guy I sold our old family van to last month died on Tuesday. Just entirely randomly. Not in a freak car accident or anything. He had a lung disease or something that had been diagnosed as terminal like 6 months ago. We had no idea. I met him cause I put some parts from an old Mustang on my aunt's curb and he stopped by to pick them up. While in the driveway, he saw the van in the backyard with the For Sale signs in the windows and bought it for the grand sum of 100$. Since then he has returned to my aunt's house several times to help fix things. He spent 3 hours there just Saturday, fixing her tractor and lawnmower. For free. When my aunt called me today and tole me that he died on Tuesday, I was shocked. It made me think about his situation. He knew he was dying. He refused to stop doing stuff, instead living to help out other people. Then on Tuesday, he died laying on his couch. He was living with his mother, taking care of her. Just last month, his mother's parents died. This all wouldn't be so bad if I had known what he believed. I hope that someday, I will see him again. He was a good guy.



To give credit where credit is due, that title is from a Staind song. It just seemed appropriate cause it's raining right now and that pretty accurately describes my feelings. I couldn'tve put it better.



To explain those pictures, they don't really mean anything. They were photography assignments if you must know. I have alot more where those came from, but I got tired of smallening them and uploading them.

posted by dave @ 10:55 PM