the Anonomis Typewriterer strikes again.

Today's post is special. Dave's friend the Anonomis Typewriterer has submitted some of his work foe this post because of Dave's lack of subject material. The Anonomis Typewriterer is in the same english class as Dave and had to write the same crappy satire paper, so this is his exploration into the world of satirical writing. Enjoy if at all possible.

These days, the average computer user can get anything they desire on the Internet, ranging from electronic goodies to fighter jets. What they don't know is that there is a lot more stuff out there that they never even knew existed. Listening to any radio station these days, consumers are bombarded by commercials, including many for online dating services. Dating services are really only the beginning. Starting this week, Easy Online Answers, Inc. (EOA) is opening a new website. www.getmarriedonline.com is going to offer marriage services to Internet users around the world. This website opens up all kinds of new ways for immigrants to make their way into the United States legally through marriage. It also helps the homosexual community because it allows users to search for any gender without asking for the gender of the user. They can have legally binding same sex marriages in the United States because the servers for the website are based in San Francisco. The owners expect to perform over 10,000 online e-ceremonies in the first month of their service alone. They are also offering a discount for return customers who enjoyed the service and want a few more spouses to keep around the house. The e-ceremonies will cost only $99, not including some extra options such as having the ceremony broadcast over the Internet of having pictures of flowers on the page.

Such services as these have never been offered becore on the Internet, but if this one takes off as expected, there should be many more to gollow. Technologies supporting online childbearing and parenthood are not that far into the future. There are also some spinoff services in the works, such as online divorces and automated alimony payments. For the parents who lose custody of the children, there is already the technology available to have online visitation times where the parent and children cna chat on web cams, play games or send pictures back and forth. www.mail-order-children.com has been in business doing exactly what its domain name suggests, sending children out to people not otherwise able to have them. The beauty of having your children online is that you can click cancel anytime and it is neither a crime or immoral. This system is designed to fix mistakes easily and leave the user with no regrets, regardless of their actions.

Today's society demands solutions for everyday problems. The Internet is a great way to get to these solutions as quickly as possible. This idea is what helped EOA get famous so quickly and is also responsible for the owners' millonaire status. The first website opened by EOA back in 2001 was www.mylifesucksnowfixit.com, which offers many solutions to conusmers' everyday problems. One of its specialties is paycheck advances. Everybody has financial troubles sometime, and EOA will be there to help fix them when they arrive. Their first site also offered services for dating advice and the world famous Comebacks for Dummies tutorial. They also have extensive online dating and matchmaking services. Thanks to big parent companies like Easy Online Answers, our everyday lives can be made bearable again.



Thanks for reading. Till next time, I'll be off doin somethin somewhere else. Not here always,

the Anonomis Typewriterer

posted by dave @ 11:13 AM